You always see women in corsets fainting for the stupidest reasons, but today, standing in my kitchen in sweat pants, I fainted because my cat was hurt.
Let me preface this by saying I am a fantastic cat owner, and I love my cats very much. I have two cats, Fred and George. They’re ginger brothers, and they’re the loves of my life. They are also indoor/outdoor cats.
Last night, I couldn’t get Fred to come in, so I went to bed with George and didn’t think much of it. They occasionally spend the night out when the weather isn’t oppressive and the moon is bright.
This morning I woke up and immediately went to check for Fred. He was waiting at the door, as usual, and I let him in. That’s when I realized his paw was covered in blood, and he was leaving a bloody trail of paw prints behind him.
I put him on the counter, fed him a little bit of tuna to distract him and keep him in place, grabbed a bowl of water, and began cleaning the blood off. Fred was surprisingly calm. He just seemed annoyed that I was dipping his paw in water and interrupting his tuna eating; I, however, was slowing disintegrating into a hot mess. It was around this time, counter splattered with blood, that I started to feel overheated and nauseous. My vision started to get blotchy and black…
I woke up a few minutes later on the kitchen floor.
Fred’s paw was fine, just a small cut between his toes.
I have always claimed to be a crazy cat lady… but today, I have officially become a proud citizen of Crazy Cat Lady Land, and I don’t think I’m ever coming back.
Hopefully I’ll never be under a forensics investigation because there is definitely cat blood remnants all over my kitchen, and I’ve seen enough crime dramas to know it will show up under their black light test.